In NARCISSISTIC LOVERS, the authors state that” narcissists tend to be drawwn to co-dependents because they have a subconscious desire to be mothered and taken care of. They also are often aware that many codependent types have a fear of abandonment and they use that fear to maintain control over them.
Look at the following list of codependent traits and see if you see yourself:
- You base your feelings of selfworth on your partners approval.
- You try to solve your partners problems because you feel directly affected by them.
- Your primary goal is to satisfy and care for him/her.
- You feel happy when you are able to solve problems for your partner.
- You put aside your interests and spend time focusing on your partner.
- You feel your partner reflects you, their appearance, etc.
- You view your positive qualities as what you have to offer others.
- You are unaware of what you want and are concerned with what your partner wants.
- You have dreams of your future which include your partner.
- You are careful not to provoke your partnes anger.
- You are afraid of rejection by your partner.
- You are generous in order to feel secure and prove your love to him/her.
- As you involve yourself with your partner, you lose contact with friends and family.
- You put your own values aside in order to relate to him/her.
- You hold his opinion in high regard.
- The quality of your partners life has an impact on the quality of your life.
- Positive comments from your partner give you a high; negative ones leave you low.
How did you do? did you answer yes to many of these characteristics? Becoming aware of these tendencies can giv eyou choices about what you want and/or need to change. There is hope and help for you!
Score 1 = never; 2 = ocassionally; 3 = frequently; 4= always.
________ Very competetive
________ Misleads and lies
________ Insensitive to your feelings
________ Controls you
________ Needs to be cente of attention
________ Easily angered when confronted
________ Indirectly looks for attention
________ Feels their needs take priority over yours
________ Critical of your friends
________ Careless and impulsive
Total your score.
Authors of the book, NARCISSISTIC LOVERS, suggest that if your score totals between 43 and 56, it reflects that your partner has excessive narcissistic qualities. A score between 29 and 42 indicates your partner has a high amount of narcisisstic traits and a score between 14 and 28 illustrates your partner has limited narcissistic characteristics.
The book suggests that you must arm yourself with information about narcissism in order to deal with it and know what you need to do to best take care of yourself.