There is an excellent little one page Al-Anon pamphlet entitled “Detachment”…. I don’t know where the “With Love” part came from, but I know I’ve heard the phrase in Al-Anon. It sounds great, but what exactly does it mean.
Basically, Detachment means putting the focus on taking care of ourselves. As described in the previous article, the codependent gets caught up in the cycle of reacting and enabling….which both lead to misery. This cycle, which is progressive, gets harder and harder to stop. Detaching is a great tool for breaking the cycle of misery.
In the “Detachment” pamphlet, it states, “Detachment is neither kind or unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we’re detaching. Separating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person’s (negative behavior) can be a means of detaching; this does not necessarily require physical separation.”
“Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.”
Easier said than done, I know….but simply stated, when we find ourselves obsessing about someone else, either positively or negatively, we can stop ourselves by figuring out what we need in the moment and then doing it. By doing this our lives will dramatically change for the better!