We left off yesterday with the cause of Love Avoidance: enmeshment with the opposite sex parent. If this is the case with you, enter therapy to work through childhood feelings stemming from enmeshment. Often times, these are feelings of deep anger and the pain and fear of the precious child you once were. Some experts even go so far as to call this form of enmeshment “emotional incest”…..
4) Establish boundaries.
Boundaries are essential for the love avoidant. They mustfeel that they can say no. Because the love avoidant often stays in a relationship out of duty and not love, they don’t say no when they need to. Later, resenting the partner and using that as an excuse to “have a life”…..(Leave the relationship for another person or an addiction)…..
5) Whether through working the steps or some other route, to recover, one must connect to a higher power. The 12 steps are designed to bring us to a spiritual awakening, where we can come to rely on a loving God who cares for us and our wellbeing. If you don’t have that yet,it’s going to be almost impossible to get better. I suggest you speak to a minister, priest, rabbi, or someone who can help you.
More on recovery from Love Avoidance tomorrow…..stay tuned.