Love avoidants don’t seem to come in for therapy as much as their counterpart — the love addict. However, occasionally they do….especially when they realize that they have broken up with that perfectly nice gal they were involved with for no good reason….and it keeps happening….As they get older, the love avoidant begins the see a pattern and their loneliness may drive them in for help.

Although on the outside, the love avoidant seems more “together” than the love addict, sometimes they are more difficult to deal with.  So what are the steps to conquering love avoidance.

1)  Address primary addictions.

Often times, the love avoidant is addicted to something – be it alcohol, sex, excessive sports, risk taking, etc. Their addiction makes them unavailable for intimacy.

2) Join a Support Group.

It is important for the The Love Avoidant to join a support group such as a 12 step group in order to begin practicing  healthy intimacy in a safe environment.

3)  Deal with childhood wounding.

The love avoidant generally speaking has had enmeshment with their opposite sex parent. As children, they felt the pressure of emotionally and sometimes physically taking care of an addicted or otherwise immature parent. This was too much and overwhelming to the child.  So much so, that in adulthood, they fear intimacy and fear they will be suffocated or overwhelmed – a relive of their childhood experience.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this article tomorrow…..


  1. My husband is love avoidant and I believe a narcissist as well. I am not sure what he is doing to substitute or block intimacy with me. It may be work. But he has commented that his mom always got him too involved her problems. As a result, he tended to avoid her in adulthood. My husband lacks intimacy, and even though I complain about it, nothing changes. He says he shows me he loves me by working hard and providing for us. I am starved emotionally, I am a love addict. I did not get any affection growing up as a child. Thank you for affirming my observations and providing an explanation for my situation

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *