I admit it, Step 1 is gonna be hard, so prepare yourself. Here goes:

  1. If at all possible, abstain from a love relationship for 6 months to a year…Yes, you’re going to go into withdrawal, but we’ll get into that in a minute….If you are married and it’s not possible, practical or desireable to get out of your primary relationship, it is do-able, but harder.  (See Pia Mellody’s book, Facing Love Addiction)
  2. Get a support system – preferably Love Addicts Anonymous, SLAA, ACA or AlAnon….begin to learn relating and connecting in healthy, non sexual ways.
  3. You will go through withdrawal..It’s very likely going to be very uncomfortable.Do not enter into another relationship to fix your feeligns at this crucial time!  this is an important step in the process where you will….
  4. Feel the feelings from your childhood that didn’t get resolved and expressed….those feelings of pain, shame, anger and fear.  It is very important to identify your feelings, feel them and express them… There’s an old saying in twelve step circles, “You can’t heal what you don’t feel”….
  5. Find a therapist who is trained in helping you do the trauma work you need to do to resolve these feelings that are from your past…
  6. Connect to your inner child, the part of you that was enmeshed,
    abandoned and/or abused in childhood.  It’s important to develop empathy for child feeling reality that you experiened back then.
  7. Develop a Loving Parent inside who can connect to, nurture, protect and love the “true you” unconditionally.
  8. Get a Higher Power – we cannot do this work alone!
  9. Be clear on your trauma template…this is the template that was laid down when you were a child…it’s who you’re looking for – but usually not in a good way!  When we’re clear on the template, we will know which types of people will trigger our unhealthy love behaviors. (obsessing, avoiding, drama)
  10. Transform your thinking and your life. With all these resources in place, your inner environment can be transformed.  You truly can become a positive, powerful and optimistic person…..Then slowly re-enter or enter a love relationship….

For information on appointment fees and times, please call Stephanie Ecke, LPC at 210-287-4002.

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